"I'm · not · the · sharpest · knife · in · the · drawer."

When I grow up, I wanna be Tank Girl.

This is news to me.

Welp, I should be asleep, but I can't sleep, so I finally remember that there is a journal attached to all of those communities I check daily and pretend someone reads it. Ah.

So I have a conference tomorrow. A big deal, apparently. I'm presenting a paper on American Literature. I was excited, then nervous, and now I just don't care anymore.

BUT. What I do care about is the fact that I got into my first-choice college. Smith, baby. Massachusetts. Insanely expensive, far from home, and frighteningly intellectual? Absolutely. But it's such a good school, with a great reputation, and it's an all-girls school with a feminist group and a queer/transgender club. HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE THAT.

Graduating GPA: 3.9ish. I'll take it (Curse that one B for ruining my perfect grades!)

I just wish I had gotten a few more scholarships, is all.

Other than that, everything is as it was before. Terminally single, reading constantly, putting off stuff I ought to be doing because I'm either afraid of it, feel powerless in the face of it, or don't really care about it.

Wow. What extremes those are.

Am I making sense? Probably not. Ah well. Sleep time.

PS. Birthday soon. I wonder what it's like to not be a teenager anymore. Huh.

I'm visiting my cousin until the new semester starts. (Damn, I thought the fall would never end...)

We went to the Asian market, and OHMIGODIFOUND

( GINGER CANDIES! )

Sooo delicious.

I've actually had loads of writing time this month. I'm pretty excited about the current story. And not only did I get a few writing books for Christmas, I got the new Discworld book too! XD

Oh, and see Juno. It was amazing.

Dear God, thank you for the end of the semester. Also, thank you for the 5-10 inches of snow currently falling on most of New York, which has cancelled my final for today. In exchange, I'll try to find some time for believing in you and leading a good life and all of that. Additionally, while I'm thinking of it, thank you for cheesecake and sarcasm.

All the best,
Kate

PS. About that world hunger thing...

I'm very uptight about my grades lately.

I actually got visibly upset over a 94. Because I could have done better--on one question I made a stupid mistake, but other than that I was angry that all of my studying left me six points short. And I actually thought I did worse that I ended up doing!

An 88 in Algebra, another 88 in Communications, and of course that all adds up to a baffled and disappointed Kate. I could be doing better, but I've got no energy. No motivation. No real will to do much of anything. And it's only going to get worse in November, but I'm not giving up NaNoWriMo unless I die or lose a hand. Even then I would teach myself to type one-handed and fight for my 50k.

Honestly, thanks college. Who needs to get any writing done anyway? Writing is for losers, and it's not like I want nothing more than to curl up with my comproar and bash out the ideas I've got, or even plot my NaNo novel or anything. Christ.

Seriously, I open up Pages and just stare at the cursor. The best I can do is a sentence or two. I'm in serious trouble when my first short story is due for Fiction Comp. The teacher might just eat my face off and wash it down with my blood. Or, you know, whatever.

You know, all if this training to write fiction is taking up an awful lot of my writing time. In the industry, I believe that's called 'irony'.

Back at college--yesterday was my first day.

I have no idea how I'm gonna afford books. A friend of mine is lending me her psych book and I think I can order the math book on the cheap, but I still have to drop $50 for an anthology, a couple hundred for a public speaking book, and god only knows how much in small paperbacks of my World Lit stuff. At least my poetry composition book will be cheap.

College = the most necessary rip off of one's life.

But I do have good news--long after her cat widdled on it (which I have yet to forgive him for, by the way), my mother is finally replacing my much-missed copy of Thank you, Jeeves. To make up for the time it's taken, she said she'd get me a hardback copy. HOORAY!

Soo tired...but I'm babysitting the niece tonight so I can't nap after dinner or something. Gonna go shut my eyes for a little while, until my sister gets here with the adorable little monster.

I go back to school on Monday. I'm not sure how I feel about this.

I enjoyed school, last semester. I'm sure I'll enjoy it again this semester, since I'm taking a stupid million English courses and Saturday tennis, and especially since I have the best math teacher ever and she might actually be able to make my stupid brain understand college-level algebra.

But I'm wary. I'll be tired the whole first week--I need to get back into the habit of sleeping at night, and with 21 credits I'll have no time to do much of anything but school work and maybe a bit of writing. And then there's the cost of textbooks and remembering to pay tuition...

It's all just a big old pain, really. So here's the cure I've come up with for now:

1. Put on some Blackadder/A Bit of Fry and Laurie/Jeeves and Wooster
2. Watch for thirty seconds
3. Pause the DVD until I can stop laughing so hard
4. Accidentally think of the joke and go into hysterics again
5. Resume watching the BritCom goodness.

Rinse/Repeat as needed.

MY EMAIL FINALLY WORKS AGAIN.

Now I have to go and find all of the comments I missed while it was being stupid.